The problem with Tigerland porn is that most of the people who write it get all inspired about the fact that the movie is this perfect epic masterpiece of pure beauty, and set out to write these amazing in-depth stories full of meaning and wonder, and I just want to read about Colin Farrell and Alaric having crazy post-Vietnam survivor!sex and I ( Read more... )

Oh my fucking God, Tigerland, you break my fucking heart! Oh! Oh Colin Farrell! Oh Alaric! Oh the world ( Read more... )

Alaric dies? ALARIC DIES?! What is this bullshit? Is he forever-dead? This is terrible! This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events.

Seriously guys, Alaric died?! Really?! No!!

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I am watching the Vampire Diaries. Basically what is happening is, Jammy the Emu was sad because Bonnie and her horrible face don't like him anymore, and Elena and Alaric were worried because, omg, who would be upset at the prospect of LESS BONNIE, and so Jammy and Mongo were hanging out and having beautiful love, but then Klaus decided to ( Read more... )

Random sex dream about Jammy and Mongo from the Vampire Diaries accompanied by soundtrack from Hairspray. This had made me fonder of Hairspray and yet at the same time more suspicious of Tyler. Werewolves shouldn't have sex to Hairspray. That's just not right.

Remember that episode of the Simpsons where Homer has a pet lobster and he tries giving it a hot bath and accidently cooks it and at the end he's crying and eating the lobster at the same time and he's like, "PINCHY WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THIS WAY!" and sobbing with a mouthful of Pinchy?

That's basically what I see whenever Stefan goes on a blood

Why does Mystic Falls have all these awesome parties and balls and events and shit, even though it's a tiny town with one bar/resturant where basically the entire population goes to socialize? I grew up in a small town, we didn't have epic decade dances and comet-watching parties. I want to wear a poodle skirt and flirt with a stern hot history ( Read more... )

I came downstairs this morning and 3FM (hideous local music station of hideous horror) was playing My Heart Will Go On. BASICALLY THERE IS JUST NO NEED FOR THAT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. Where is Balthazar when the world needs him? Oh that's right, being on the Vampire Diaries for NO REASON ( Read more... )

The other night I had a dream that Alaric from the Vampire Diaries was a girl. You'd think girl!Alaric would be stacked along the lines of Marilyn Monroe or Joan from Mad Men, but s/he was totally flat-chested. My subconcious sucks. I'm seriously upset that my brain deprived me of chick!Alaric's magnificent boobs. WHATEVER BRAIN, SEE IF I PROTECT ( Read more... )

So it turned out the reason that Alaric wasn't speaking to Damon last week was because Damon killed him again. Personally I don't think it should count if Damon kills you when he knows you're wearing an eternity ring, because it's not like you'll be gone long or suffer any lasting damage. Alaric's being a baby about the whole thing, if you ask me. ( Read more... )